This is what happens when I leave him home alone with my credit card.

I watched the trailer for “The House Bunny” and went into a two month coma, hence the delay in postings.  I swear they must have the same guy writing these shitty movies over and over again with different premises.  He just re-writes the beginning and end and keeps the same story as filler. 

I guarantee it’s the #1 movie in America upon release.

Hey! Did you know I’m still doing a podcast.  Neither does the rest of the world.  You can find us HERE.  Please check us out and leave us some lovin’ or hatin’, either way we appreciate the feedback.  This past show we, and by ”we” I mean Me, fucked up and had to re-cast the entire hour again.  So, to pass the hour in between tapings we decided to get really smashed to try and forget what we had talked about so it would sound original.  See if you can tell…

This whole political thing is really starting to get on my nerves.  Every time I hear Hillary Clinton speak I feel like my mother is lecturing me again for leaving porn on her computer.  You know, bullshit accusations with absolutely no merit.  Anyways I’ve been reading a book I can’t recommend enough Spanking the Donkey: Dispatches From The Dumb Season by Matt Taibbi.  You might remember him from his appearances on Real Time with Bill Maher.  He writes for Rolling Stone and recently penned an article about the disparities in the Clinton for president arguments.  You can read it here.  It’s an insightful and well thought out critique that you won’t find in the mainstream press.

Frankly, I just feel that she’s full of shit and will say and do anything to get elected because she feels it’s her turn.  The best thing about her is that of everyone I’ve asked (and granted I don’t attend MENSA meetings) nobody has been able to give me any argument beyond “It’s time for a chick in charge” or “she won’t be some war-mongering president like a man” of course forgetting she voted for the war and refuses to be a diplomat and speak with “evil” foreign leaders.  Well she’s running out of superdelegates to bribe and a few are dropping off her side.  I sort of wouldn’t mind to see her nominated just to see how fast they swift boat her ass by trotting out every woman Bill Clinton ever slept with and every flip-flop she ever made.

Politics is one of those things that easily impassions and angers most of America, and I strive to be even tempered when calling other people’s candidates “cunts” but what really got me today was watching Glenn Beck at the gym.  This economic clusterfuck seems to have caused the Dems to once again discuss raising the minimum wage.  Seems logical enough, I’m enough around people making minimum to see what kind of lifestyle is available to them on that kind of wage.  This, of course, would affect the bottom line for many corps and possibly lead to layoffs, so Beck of course has to come to the conclusion that dems are full of shit, not even bothering to mention this economic disaster was presided over for the last eight years by a majority republican congress and executive branch. 

Let’s get something straight: the dems couldn’t piledrive the economy in the short time they’ve had “in power” even if they tried.  But I can see this media blitz being a huge problem in November when all the past is forgotten and the present is all that is visible inside the media’s spectrum.  Where the current congress is corrupt and the past eight years are distant memory. 

When it comes to the way news is covered these days people need to remember that right now all the world’s a stage, and the sooner we realize this, the sooner we can break free and see the truth.

Heath Ledger, a king among actors, a man I could look to when I needed a good to mediocre performance in a mediocre film. I first remember him from 10 things I hate about you in which he played the bad boy heartthrob. His performance in BrokeBack Mountain enthralled heterosexuals and homosexuals alike. When I see a movie that he is in, I know it will be worth about 4 dollars. His most memorable movie would have to be Brokeback Mountain in which he sexually ravaged Jake Gyllenhaal using his own snot as lubricant. We can all get behind someone who anally penetrates Jake Gyllenhaal.
I write about Heath because unlike other douche bags who have died recently (I’m looking at you Gerald Ford), Heath meant something to me. He was an actor who actually came from my generation. When I read of his death it was a very ‘what the fuck’ moment for me. News that Heath died of a drug overdose gives me full right to feel no pity for him, but rather pity for his child and his family. For Heath I feel nothing but disappointment and now that he is dead I know the Joker will not survive in the next Batman movie. I say shame on you Heath Ledger for you have spoiled what could have been a great fictional rivalry.

Why would anybody vote for Hillary Clinton other than she is a woman?

Frankly, I was a bit disappointed by both democratic front runners.  I was going to cast my vote for Mike Gravel (he’s the codjy old man) which is really more akin to lighting it on fire so after I was turned away from two different polling stations for being at the wrong station I just turned around and headed back home.  But now that I have paid a bit more attention to both candidates I realize there is a stark comparison and the stakes just keep getting higher.

Here’s the thing.  Clinton is a pro-war candidate, she voted for it and has stood by her vote.  If she is nominated the war will be off the table in the general election as McCain is also for the war, meaning Clinton will have to rely on what exactly to win?  The two biggest issues are the war and the economy.  Over 60% of the population is against the war now - and a large majority of that electorate are democrats.  Should Hillary be nominated there is nothing stopping these core democratic voters from swinging to McCain - a fairly liberal candidate by republican standards and certainly more versed in war than Clinton.  Most idiots like me couldn’t understand economic theory at all so we’ll just figure they’re both full of shit and vote for whichever one makes us feel safer which during wartime is usually a republican, a daddy to protect us.

So why vote Clinton at all?  Everybody hates her for some reason - both republicans and democrats.  There are certainly republicans that will vote Obama but never Clinton, but I can’t think of any republican who would vote Clinton except perhaps for members of the KKK.  Then there are the slew of democrats that also unjustly hate her and would be willing to swing McCain.  The only reasons come down to women’s desire to have a woman president before a black man.  Precedent - that’s all it is.  If a woman can be president….blah blah blah.  Thousands of women out there don’t want to tell their grandchildren that when given the chance they didn’t reach out and vote for the woman candidate.  They want to see a woman in the white house in their lifetime.  So they’ll take whatever watered down, boring excuse for a leader that is served room temperature in front of them. 

If Clinton goes up against McCain she will be nothing more than a shit stain under his boot.  The story nobody is telling is that the republicans want Clinton to go up against McCain, they fear Obama.  I was all for Clinton before the primaries but with her lack of truly democratic principles she has marginalized a vast majority that would otherwise support her.  Did you hear when she said she takes money from lobbyists only because they represent real people but that she doesn’t actually listen to them?  There are many many other examples.  It feels like she believes this is her turn at bat and unfortunately swarms of women are falling into line.

So feminist chicks abroad, I empathize with you, but even you know you could list a hundred other more qualified women off the top of your head before you would vote Hillary if you could.  She will lose in the general.  She is unlikeable and hated.  Don’t underestimate the swing voters that do not have breasts.

Happy Valentines Day.

As I sit here wondering of all the wonderful things I could be doing other than graduate school applications such as watching tv and eating a pizza while watching tv I am reminded that I may in fact be rejected from every single school.  Like all great men of history I have to have my low period, my dusk before the sunrise, my Robert Downey Jr. drug addiction before rehab.  So I’ve begun thinking about what I’ll do if I fail to get in anywhere.

1) Manage a Starbucks

It’ll be like my own personal sitcom.   I’ll solve people’s problems on a daily basis, call all men ”mac,” and get in and out of a new relationship every week.  It’ll be like “Grey’s Anatomy” only not so estrogenic.

2) Donate my body to science

This isn’t a job so much as a decision that my body is good for nothing unless it’s dead.  Although it might be fun to try and donate myself to some sort of risky scientific project in the outside chance I’ll get super powers.  Or a tumor.

3) Make my own documentary

Like “super size me” only all I eat is sushi.  I’ll test my blood mercury level on a weekly basis prove those fuckers in Big Sushi wrong when I am eventually poisoned to death.

4) Move to Japan and become a Samurai

Pretty self explanatory, see “The Last Samurai” for reference.  Only add in shots of me playing wii in my hut.

5) Move to LA and write a book about the guy writing the book about the writer’s strike

Because you know some motherfucker is already doing it.

Sigh.  Back to the keyboard of destiny and my mouse of truth and my monitor of justice.  I’m going to go kick my cat of annoyance.